That Time I Felt Like a Bonehead.

You know, I always think of things I should write about on my way to work.  I have a half hour commute to the school where I teach, and as I make that drive every morning and afternoon, my mind wanders.  Inevitably, I end up thinking about Liz, and our lives as they are now.  At some point, I have a thought, and I think to myself, "I should write about that for my blog."  Then I get to school or get home, and I get busy with my responsibilities.  I usually end up forgetting my brilliant thought until the next commute, and then the cycle starts all over again.

This morning I did think of something, and instead of forgetting about it, I remembered to post it to the blog.  WOO HOO!!

So, I was going over Liz's neuropsychological evaluation from three years ago.  (Please keep in mind that three years ago, I was NOT the advocate that I am now.  I was a young mother facing issues with her small child, and I had no idea which end was up.  I could handle her seizures with no problem, but as I was facing her developmental issues and what they meant, I was lost.)  Anyway, I was reading her evaluation, and I got to a place that referenced her having Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified.  I have a clear memory of reading that, and thinking, "I need to look that up."  Right after we got the evaluation back, Liz was placed in the hospital, and I completely forgot to do my research.  Last summer, I picked up a book on children with austistic spectrum disorders, and there was a very specific chapter on Pervasive Developmental Disorder.  Basically, Liz is autistic.

I felt like a bonehead.  I mean, really...a great big ol' bonehead.  I talked to my sister and The Husband, and both told me that I shouldn't beat myself up because I was so very overwhelmed.  Yeah, that's true, but the mom in me is just a little bit angry with herself for not researching it sooner.

Now, what does this fact change? 

Honestly?  Absolutely nothing.  I wouldn't change how we raise her at home.  I wouldn't change her IEP at school.  There's not a special "austic doctor" that she could go see.  Nothing has changed.  Period.  We're all just a little more aware now, and while that's great, again...doesn't really change a lot.