Gentle Reminders

Last week on our way to dinner, I was talking to The Husband about recent research with cannabis, and how it could change so many lives in regards to epilepsy.  I said something like, "Can you imagine?  If the government changed the drug classification, we could be staring at a healthy control of seizures!  I mean, I know she's well-controlled now, but in the future, she could be 100% without all the horrible side effects!  We could be looking at the closest thing to a cure we may ever see."

Liz piped up from the back seat, "Mom, are you talking about me and my epilepsy?"

"Yes, hon.  We're talking about what it would be like for you to not ever have to worry about seizures again."

"But, Mom...I don't want to get rid of my epilepsy."

"....Okay...?  Why?"

"Because my epilepsy is part of what make me, me.  I like me just how I am."


Out of the mouths of babes.

Sometimes it's hard to see beyond a diagnosis.  It becomes such a huge part of your lives because it has to.  You get caught up in what it has changed, even when you're not cognizant of the fact that you're feeling that way.  It's been a part of your feelings for so long that you've accepted it as part of you.

Occasionally, I've really thought about what Liz would be like if she'd never had that first seizure or any of the seizures that followed it.  I imagine this wonderful, beautiful, strong young woman that's fierce and powerful.  She grows up and has the world at her feet.  I mourn that Liz has never had the ability to meet or become that person.

Then Liz reminds me that she's never mourned that loss because there's no need to.  She's beautiful, strong, wonderful, fierce, and powerful just like she is.  She's also kind, empathetic, loving, joyous, fun, random, and spontaneous.  I've spent time over the years focusing on what could have been, rather than focusing on what is.  I don't do it often, mostly just when we're struggling with her condition more than normal.   I'm sure it's completely normal when dealing with any kind of health problem within a family, but sometimes I need to be reminded that it's part of our lives, just not all of our lives.

I am so profoundly lucky that I get to be her mom.